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RA afterthoughts sheet took way longer than I thought. And I still have some reading to do. It must be Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays.

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Today was a big day–math 101 presentation, diff eq’s test, art presentation. The good news is it really freed me up for tonight. Maybe I should go sleep or something.

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and it’ll be a gay little state

Diff eq’s test tomorrow…blah, yay for screwedness.

So, tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, and I was talking to my sister on the phone, and she was like, “what are you giving up for Lent this time around?” To which I was like, “erm, well, the truth is, I’m not going to church at the moment.” Giant discussion ensued (for those of you who don’t know my sister, she’s quite, er, Catholic). It’s not that she was judging me or anything, but I think I definately scared her/was a threat to her.

Okay, sorry people, but I’m just not feeling very Catholic as of late. Those of you who knew me during high school know that I have been an agnostic for a long time.

Last year I was starting college. I was trying stuff. Exploring new things. Or rather, I was trying to rediscover something familiar from childhood, perhaps out of homesickness? In any event, Father Wayne was an amazing priest, and he inspired me…I’m not sure if it was spiritually or if it was intellectually or if it was just because I liked his approach to life, but he had a certain sense of spirituality or self-assuredness that many human beings lack, myself included.

And while I really like the Catholic community here, let me just say that I began to feel hypocritical for going after awhile. Great as Fr. Wayne was, he was also very Catholic, though not as fundamental as many priests are. I’m not accusing Fr. Wayne of being anything short of himself…he was amazing for all the reasons listed, and if anything, that’s why I went to church. But even one person shouldn’t be a reason to go to church, and I began to doubt myself more and more, particularly while in Tucson, when I didn’t go to church at all.

Last semester was different yet again…I felt like I was dragging myself to church. And when I came to that realization after Fr. Wayne’s memorial mass, I found that I don’t have enough reason to go anymore.

So, all I ask of you guys is to let me continue exploring. To me spirituality is about discovery–that may or may not involve a god. I’m not saying modern science is the answer…I’m just saying some sort of human enlightenment is the answer, an enlightenment some may discover traces of by accident, but humankind may never as a whole find.

But whatever it is, it is worth living for. And if you know what it is, please tell me.

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Spaceman Spiff is an awesome band in case you didn’t know.

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It’s been raining all weekend. I love the rain.

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The Japenese have a sick sense of humor. You need 12 items to get out. Go!

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Nine hours of sleep! And I understand my math. And I think I have an art project idea formulating into something really cool. Life is good there. And life is good all over, basically. Except for that annoying kid who sits next to me in Spanish. I’m always reiterating exactly what the professor said to the class to him whenever we’re doing activities, and then we never get to the actual activity! Bah to that. And his accent is horrible. And even when the instructions are in English, he still doesn’t do the activities right! It’s so freaking annoying! I think I’ll have to remember to sit across the room on Monday so I don’t pair up with him.

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Baah so that diff eq’s problem keeping us up…we were right, the professor was wrong, now we get to do it again only the right way. I wish I could just turn in the test! Oh well, at least I know it’s accurate.

I can’t tell if I made Susan mad or not in art today, but she still liked my ideas, so I guess I’m doing something right.

This might sound totally un-Talyaish, but a weird thought hit me last night with how succinct my blog entries have become as of late…I’m wondering if I’m starting to outgrow this thing, ’cause I like my (real) diary entries better…I feel like I have nothing to say anymore. Maybe things will change next time I’m not too busy, but yeh, I guess I should take a poll in the next few weeks or so and see how many people find my blog useful for updates on Talya’s-life. I still read your blogs, but since I’ve done the upgrade to Mac Panther I lost a lot of my bookmarks, so if you think I’m missing your blog or something, please email me the link again, I’d appreciate it!

Speaking of updates, the alarm radio this morning was a commercial saying that if CA residents bought a Disneyland ticket, they could go to CA Adventures for free…Spring Break, anyone? I’m not a CA resident, but you know, just get someone who is to buy the tickets, and it’ll be good.

Voice meeting…uneventful. And we’re doing waltz in dance, and I heart waltz, so life is good.

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This evening I’ve been working on that diff eq’s test, and I came back maybe an hour ago to find my suitemates had no idea where I was! They tried calling my cell phone, they freaked out that I wasn’t on AIM, and they even tried calling Kevin’s room at 1:15a (prolly woke him and his roommates up). I guess on nights like these it’s easy to get lost in equations…and in many ways to get lost yourself.

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why am I still up?