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April 25, 2002 on 7:36 pm | In Blogger |

Ah, well, today was a day. I slogged through Thatcher’s class; in Hagen’s class we all got terribly silly (see THE BOOK for details). In Journalism we pretty much did nothing as usual (I love our off-deadline productivity). And in English we just talked about Wide Sargasso Sea. Today was, like I said, a day.

We did our usual funstuff in Astro-Philosophy; I talked about the ram, Aries, and Sarah led a discussion about love and marraige (or lack thereof). Then in English, as there were no males around, we talked about male-dominated society. Male-bashing can be fun, if you’re in the mood for it. Unfortunately, I was not, because in my philosophy, feminism is not about bashing males. I find that in this era, most feminists fail to understand what exactly females want in society. Instead they focus so acutely about wanting the same status as males, and they neglect their own beautiful identity. I do not think women should simply abandon themselves, but they should also embrace their own sexuality. Feminism is not about wanting to be a man; it is about being allowed to stand next to a man, and, together, the two sexes should allowed to be human beings alongside one another~

Sometimes my parents can just be downright insulting. I do love my parents, let me put that out before anyone thinks otherwise (sheesh, I think they’re the only ones I complain about on this blog), but I seriously almost cried, they were bothering me so much. First, they didn’t call me for dinner, but I don’t think it mattered anyway because they were having beef stew. So as I started making penne, Mom went in with insulting my vegetarian diet and saying how my take on life is more like sparing one organism’s life over another, creating a heirarchy in nature, when no living thing, plant or animal, is above this heirarchy. I then tried to explain how when harvesting fields, they make the plants reproduce asexually anyway (mitosis, not meiosis), therefore not really killing the plant, but of course Dad jumped in and started arguing that one down (lawyer dads can be evil). So I then just said simply that I don’t like eating meat, and it’s true. I hate the smell of meat, the feeling of chewing another animal’s muscle or fat, and I resent how it is not utilizing energy on a macrolevel, and that is why I don’t eat meat. My vegetarian diet is not solely for animal rights or whatever extreme PETA organizations and vegans are always shouting about. I simply think vegetarianism is more healthy, is more beneficial on a global human level, and, above all, is a matter of me being a picky eater and telling society, “I hate the taste of meat” (of course, once I tried to explain that, my parents gladly bombarded me with every point to the extent where I could not even voice my thoughts about my own diet).

But, they also wanted to know why I eat fish if I don’t like the taste of meat. The truth is, I hate eating fish, too. But, I also know that there is nothing better for you nutritionally than fish, and fish can actually taste quite good when cooked right. Besides, I said, Jesus ate fish when he was walking on our feeble planet, so shouldn’t that indicate something about eating fish? Jesus, however, did NOT eat pollo or red meat. When finally my penne was ready, Mom said something downright insulting, that I was replacing my vegetarianism with religion, that I should not take vegetarianism to fulfill my spiritual needs.

Yes, I was insulted, and let me tell you why. I am going to tell you all something very secret about my religious heart: philosophically I tend to be a skeptic, meaning that I do not take every word to be true, that I will not accept anything unless I have proven to myself that indeed this is the right answer, and though I cannot be certain about everything metaphysically, I do believe that I understand one thing, my belief that something had to create this universe, because time, like it or not, is very finite, therefore there must have been a first cause (and we can prove that fact mathematically). I also think that humans identify with this metaphysical being in many ways, and unfortunately, this had led to terrible unnecessary bloodshed over the centuries. In this sense, every religion is correct. I do not think it is fair to disregard any of them, because they are the human being’s spiritual unconscious mind relating to this all-powerful diety. Though some may seem downright ridiculous (e.g. ancients worshipping the sun), think about what implications these religions mean to that individual.

I do not know if I chose Christianity as my religion, but as of yet it is one I can relate to, that I value, that I enjoy, that fulfills my spiritual needs. Therefore I read the Bible with my grain of skeptism still in mind, yet, the hypocrite I am, I also say my prayers and give thanks to whatever sort of random, indifferent blessing I have received in being alive. But, if there is one thing I totally agree with in the Bible, it is the passage about worshipping God in a closet, to fast with make-up on, to hide your beliefs in a closet. Isn’t that a beautiful thought? Think of all those pious, arrogent, overly judgemental, nearly competetively religious people who brag about how many Hail Marys they can say in a single hour. That is not the crux of religion. Religion is as that passage in the Bible says, that we should follow what is in our hearts, that we should not express our beliefs on others or judge others; that is for God to do, and no one else.

The result of this strong belief I have is, I almost never talk about religion to people. I just do not think it is my place to do so; I pray in the closet. My philosophical beliefs, I admit openly, are very fuzzy right now, but that makes sense to me because I am not a developed individual. For goodness sake, I am 18 years old. I am no longer that simple child that the Bible values so much, and as I grow more complex, my views on religion have, too. So who am I to impose my beliefs on someone else? I do what I do; let you do what you do. So no, though I seem outwardly agnostic and very unorthodox in religion, I happen to feel very strongly about what I think I know. And what I feel strongly about is, I must pray in the closet. I must not be open to religious discussion. I have never really explained this secret to anyone, but here I am blogging tonight, telling you my inner beliefs. Vegetarianism is not a religious sacrament to me; to me it is simply a diet I chose to practice, and I am sorry, my dear parents, if I have insulted you with my way of life~

(by the way, let me add that after this discussion my mother went ahead and turned on her movie, SE7EN)

A group of pigeons were alongside the courtyard of the E and D building. I noticed in particular a male chasing a female bird as she flaunted up and down the courtyard, in the air, in the tree, and down again. Other birds were picking around for food, possibly looking for companions of their own. These birds were beautiful—innocent and playful. But as my human body stepped toward the little flock, they all flew away, like ephemeral specks of water dissapearing from a hot stove surface~